For one, it's never a good idea to ride any train to anywhere ever with anyone at anytime. You can and will die, but it won't even be one of those "yes, I'm ready to go" or "I have lived my life, and have no regrets" type of deaths. Think about it. YOU'RE ON A TRAIN! You never finished everything in life because YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY SOMEWHERE!!
Here are some things you should remember if you are to find yourself on one of these death traps, from personal experience
1. It will always smell like a hospital bathroom. There is nothing good you can do about it.
2. The food on board is not filling. In relation to #1, bear in mind that with all the people on board eating, you still can't smell the food. Any food that does not either emit or cover up a scent is not going to have any bit of a profound impact on you.
...OK, let me go off on a little tangent here about the food. When you have to pay 2 dollars for A CAN of Pepsi or Coke (same thing) you should go ahead and aim directly for a bush, then jump out. They serve chips and pizza. BIG Whoop! Too bad you can either test the patience of your digestive tract with these minuscule vittles, or pay tuition. Your choice. And yes, surely it's hard to complain when there are people lacking both the means and the availability of food, but it is hard to donate money to their aid when it's all gone like a fart in the wind. For real though, I thought movie theatres were bad when a soda and popcorn cost me $10, but I walked on a train and truly understood what they meant by "crack prices".
3. They do not like when you play music or any sort of electronic anything without headphones. I don't know why though, because if I turned my laptop up to the max with the earphones plugged in, not only do you hear everything you heard when I had it playing quietly, but now with a scratchy tone attached. What's weird to me is that as long as the headphones are in they don't mind...?
4. Always ride with an odd number of friends that you are okay sitting next to, because the seats are not roomy enough for you to be polite and considerate. It is especially uncomfortable if you are tall, big, or awkward.
Now this is what movies have taught me about trains:
4. Always sit in one of the middle cars. If you've ever seen a movie involving a train you'll know that the front car is most likely to get hijacked, whereas the last car will undergo some sort of explosion. If the train you're on only has 2 cars, then you are on the WRONG TRAIN.
5. Get off the train if you see Tom Cruise; it will blow up. Get off the train if you see Wesney Snipes; you will get shot even if it's not by his gun (same goes for Harrison Ford). Never sit in the same car as Daniel Radcliff; dude's got some wierd things going on. Denzel Washington will save you somehow. I don't know what it is with that dude and trains, but I'm not getting in the middle of it.
6. Do not fall asleep.
7. You are only safe if there is only 1 man on board with a suit OR if there are 3 men aboard with suits. If there are 2, or 4+ only move when all of them do. Otherwise don't even blink too loudly.
Ok, yes this was stupid. If at least one person laughed I've been successful. Also trains aren't as unsafe as movies make them out to seem. Pretty decent costs too as long as you eat before you get on there.
